Am I too annoying?

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Lily09
Posts: 14
Joined: Tue Nov 14, 2017 9:03 pm

Am I too annoying?

Post by Lily09 » Tue Nov 14, 2017 9:09 pm

Girls, here is my problem. I'm going through surrogacy now. But our surrogate says that we are too annoying. We are trying to visit her twice a week. But I want to see her more often. She is pregnant with our baby. I want to be sure that she is completely fine. Am I wrong? Once I offered her to move to our house. She was so angry. I couldn't understand why. I want to take care of her. As for me it is absolutely normal. :x What are your recommendations? Am I too annoying?

Georgina
Posts: 8
Joined: Wed Nov 01, 2017 8:46 pm

Re: Am I too annoying?

Post by Georgina » Tue Nov 14, 2017 9:11 pm

Dear, you are definitely overreacting. As girls above said, she is a surrogate, not a slave. Try to give her some space. You will both calm down and it is much better for your baby. You know that she is fine. So, why are you so worried? Is there a reason for you to be so annoying? I remember the time when our surrogate was pregnant. It was 4 years ago. I found out that I’m infertile and surrogacy was our only option. We’ve gone through tests in medical center. They found a great surrogate for us. We had nothing to worry about at all. We were visiting her once per two weeks and it was enough for me. I didn’t have that much free time to spend it with the surrogate. I recommend you to find a hobby. I see that you have a lot of free time. You have to be busy all time long. In this case you will have no time to bother your surrogate. I’m sure she will appreciate it.
Of course, I was calling her a couple of times per week. I had to be sure that both she and our baby are fine. Also, our doctor was constantly calling us to say how are things going. I’m sure you have a similar story. I don’t see any reason for you to be so stressed out. Think positively and don’t be so worried.
I don’t understand why are there so many infertile women nowadays. What are we doing wrong. I have always been eating healthy food. I go to the gym three times a week. Well, that’s not fair. But I’m glad that we are strong enough to find the solution.

Krista
Posts: 60
Joined: Tue Nov 14, 2017 4:23 pm

Re: Am I too annoying?

Post by Krista » Wed Nov 15, 2017 2:03 pm

Your concerns are valid. I believe you should give her some space. You are not annoying but you are getting too touchy about it which is not good. If she is getting angry then in a way you are not taking care of her. Let her deal with it her way. She has a responsibility too. You should not impose anything on her. Be careful. Stress is not good for her.

Lucy
Posts: 12
Joined: Wed Oct 18, 2017 2:11 pm

Re: Am I too annoying?

Post by Lucy » Wed Nov 15, 2017 2:42 pm

Hello, Lily. Your reaction is predictable. I’m sure you were dreaming of becoming a mother for a long time. Now your dream is about to come true. This is the main reason of your stress. You don’t trust your surrogate. You need to control her. Well, as for me you should calm down a little bit. You visit her twice a week, that’s enough to figure out if everything’s fine. I’m sure your doctor will contact you if something goes wrong. You are paying big money to get your baby. So, you have to calm down and let your doctors do everything for you.
You definitely can take care of her. But are you sure that she needs your help? My sister used the help of the surrogate as she is infertile. As far as I remember her surrogate lived in a good apartment. She had a lot of activities and she didn’t need our help. She had everything she needed. We were visiting her once a week to spend some time with her. We were walking in the garden and talking about the baby. I think it is more than enough. Georgina is right, you should find a hobby. It seems to me that you have too much free time. Try to spend more time with your husband. I’m sure he also needs your support now. He is about to become a father. It is a big stress for him. You should take it into account.
So, calm down and live your ordinary life. I’m sure your baby will be fine. Good luck!

Armani
Posts: 10
Joined: Sat Oct 21, 2017 10:03 am

Re: Am I too annoying?

Post by Armani » Wed Nov 15, 2017 4:43 pm

Hello, dear. You know, I dream to go for surrogacy. My husband rejects this idea. I read a lot of posts about surrogacy process and surrogates. Every single day I imagine what would I do if the surrogate gets pregnant. I don’t know what you are feeling at the moment. But I’m almost sure that you have to give the girl more space. She is doing a favor for you. She has to live her ordinary life. She is not your slave. I would also wish to visit our surrogate. But not more often than twice a week. I have a job and I have a husband. I’m busy from the very morning till the late night. I just wish my husband could agree to go for surrogacy.

Sandra
Posts: 29
Joined: Sat Oct 21, 2017 4:42 pm

Re: Am I too annoying?

Post by Sandra » Wed Nov 15, 2017 7:44 pm

It’s good that you understand how annoying you are. You should know that being a surrogate is also a job. You are paying her money. She is doing everything possible to give birth to your baby. She is under the doctor’s control every single day. Don’t you trust your doctor? He should let you know if something goes wrong. I think you should stop worrying. I understand that you want to become a mother. It’s your biggest dream. But you have to calm down. You are doing everything right. Surrogacy is a great idea. We’ve also chosen surrogacy as a solution to my infertility. My husband found a great reproduction center in Ukraine and we moved there. In a couple of months after the pregnancy beginning we were allowed to visit the surrogate. I can’t say that I wanted to visit her every single day. We were walking with her once per two weeks. It was enough for me. I didn’t have a lot of free time. I had to work a lot. All my free time I was spending in the shops, buying some stuff for kids. It was such a great time. We were spending so much time with my husband. We even had several dates ☺
I recommend you to do the same. Give your surrogate some space. You will be so busy when the baby is born. You will have no free time. So, enjoy it now. I’m sure you will be fine.

pollutionisbad
Posts: 175
Joined: Sat Nov 18, 2017 2:04 pm

Re: Am I too annoying?

Post by pollutionisbad » Sat Nov 18, 2017 3:03 pm

Hello there precious friend. I am sorry that you are having doubts. It is hard to deal with doubts about yourself. However this is not the end. Do not worry way too much! Things will get better eventually. The surrogate must understand that you are worried. It is normal for you to be worried.

You should understand that you do not own the surrogate mother. Despite that she is doing you a service she has her life too. ALlow her some privacy. You should definitely chill out a little. I think you understand you mistake and that you will enhance yourself. Try to see things from the surrogates perspective. Wish you luck with this whole thing.

Pariz
Posts: 24
Joined: Tue Nov 07, 2017 4:42 pm

Re: Am I too annoying?

Post by Pariz » Sat Nov 18, 2017 7:46 pm

Lily09 wrote:
Tue Nov 14, 2017 9:09 pm
Girls, here is my problem. I'm going through surrogacy now. But our surrogate says that we are too annoying. We are trying to visit her twice a week. But I want to see her more often. She is pregnant with our baby. I want to be sure that she is completely fine. Am I wrong? Once I offered her to move to our house. She was so angry. I couldn't understand why. I want to take care of her. As for me it is absolutely normal. :x What are your recommendations? Am I too annoying?
Woah. Well me and my wife did not have that problem...but then again we did not want to see her twice aweek lol. You dont have to see her that often! I know you are excited and you want to experience everything... but surrogates have lives!
Ok, so one could say you are a bit annoying. But that can be soloved. Explain to her your emotions and wishes...and visit her once in every two weeks. Thats a good idea isnt it?
My wife and i would visit our surrogate whenever she and we would have some free time. We did move to Ukrain and lived at my wifes family home...but we also had jobs back in USA and had to travel often. Surrogate also worked and had family and friends of her own. We could not be with her all the time and she did not expect it.

Lucy123
Posts: 71
Joined: Sun Nov 19, 2017 7:33 am

Re: Am I too annoying?

Post by Lucy123 » Sun Nov 19, 2017 7:40 am

Hey honey, You are right on your side but you can't order someone. She is your surrogate, not your slave. so don't worry I can understand your feelings that you are worried about your child and you want to care your child yourself but just make some distance from surrogate even she does have a life. Everything will be fine at the end. just visit 2-3 times per week that's enough :)

Pariz
Posts: 24
Joined: Tue Nov 07, 2017 4:42 pm

Re: Am I too annoying?

Post by Pariz » Mon Nov 20, 2017 1:01 pm

2-3 times per week is still too much. Maybe you wanted to say per month? As i said i completly understand the wish to be involved. But you have to understand the other side. Surrogate signed to give birth to your child, not to become your conjoined twin.

Give her space, and you could use it too. Go on all chekups so you would be satisfied knowing everything is allright. You can call her by the phone....but that too should not be too often if surrogate is not into it. It is all about both of you finding way to go through this together.
Sometimes one wishes one thing and another other thing. It is important that both of you are comfortable with each other. If she felt the need to tell you to back off, then you should be considerate. Once you have your child you will be with it forever. But in the meantime be patient. :ugeek:

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